One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize