u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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