i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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