Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
