did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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