The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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