Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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