I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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