discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
