Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
