So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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