How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize