I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
