I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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