It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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