Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
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found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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