When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
