If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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