Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
