Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
