Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
