Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
