one word: firstdatebathroomanal
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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