Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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