So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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