youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
