Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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