Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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