I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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