2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
