you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
