Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
