she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
