I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
