God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
