Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
