Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
