this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
