just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
