Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
