the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
