Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop

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(626): View more from California

Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.

(812): View more from Indiana

Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.

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(714): View more from California

We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.

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(813): View more from Florida

I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?

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(410): View more from Maryland

I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.

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(734): View more from Michigan

i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation

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