Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did I show you my penis last night?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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