the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
