chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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