How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
