So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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