Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
