I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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