He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
