I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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