Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
