just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
