Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
