i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
