I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
