how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
