D3 body, D1 cock
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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