I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You took a bar mat shot.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
