U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
