Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
