thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You can't special order awesome
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
