it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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