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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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